A few days ago when talking to a friend, she made the comment "You're so lucky to be able to stay home with your kids." After she said it I thought to myself that there were some days that I really wish I could escape to a job. Being a stay-at-home mom was NEVER a part of my 5 or 10 year plan. I always said that I would rather have a stay-at-home husband! I was very much on the career track...wanted to become a successful business woman. You know, work my way to the top, maybe start my own business some day. We had a sitter lined up for Brenden and everything.

Obviously, when he was born we realized that things weren't going as we had planned. We knew that we would have trouble finding someone willing to accommodate his needs. Let alone someone who would work with him on therapy related stuff. The company I was working for was very understanding and allowed me to extend my leave beyond FMLA. But after 4 months, I had to either return to work or they would no longer be able to hold my position. Thinking there was no way we could lose my salary, I headed back to work. Luckily I was able to phase back, so I had shortened hours for the first 4 weeks. Brenden was shuffled between my parents, my grandparents, and Jonathan's mom since she was off for Summer break. We both knew that we would have to find a permanent solution, but had no clue what that would be. I'll never forget the day Jonathan called me while I was at work. He had just picked Brenden up and I always had him call me to let me know how Brenden did for whoever watched him. I remember telling him that this just wasn't working. He agreed, and told me to put in my resignation. And I did.

I knew I was committing career suicide. In the business world, taking years off to raise a family greatly affects your career. You have to start over. I am terrified of the day that it's time for me to return to work. Though I am at a much different place in my life now, and realize that the business field isn't my true calling, I'm still scared of having to start out at the bottom of the totem pole. I so badly want to go back to school but the fields I am interested in don't really allow for online classes, so it's just not feasible right now. When I do return to the work force I want to make a difference. I want a career that makes me feel like I can change someone's life. I look at the people who have come into our lives since Brenden was born. So many people who have made such an impact on us and on him. But when I tell them that, they simply say "I was just doing my job." To me, it's so much more than them "just doing their job." That's the type of job I want. Where all I'm responsible for is helping a kid learn to walk....or teaching a kid how to talk....or being with a child who just came out of the operating room and is scared because their mom or dad isn't there yet. I want to give back to other families what has been given to me. We have met some amazing people and someday, I want to be one of those amazing people to someone else.

Don't get me wrong....I am thankful that God has allowed us the opportunity for me to stay home. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is what was best for Brenden, Madelynn too. While there are some days that I feel like locking myself in my bedroom and changing my name from Mommy to something the kids can't even pronounce, I know I am blessed to have this time with my kids. Not to mention the fact that I llllooooovvvvveeee not having to put on panty hose and a suit everyday to go to work :) And just for the record....being a stay-at-home mom is way harder than most people think. But I think this is worth it: