Many times over the past three years I have wondered why God chose us for this journey. In the beginning, I replayed everything in my mind time and time again, knowing I did everything right before we decided to get pregnant, but just trying to find one little glitch. One thing I did to cause Brenden to be born with spina bifida. With time, I came to the realization that it wasn't anything I did. It just happened. God knew that we could handle it, that we would love our son just the same, and that we would fight for him and give him everything he deserves. But I still try to find reason, why us? Along this journey we have made some very close friends who are touched by SB. We have offered support to other families. We have advocated for the entire SB community. We have fought for equality for children with 'disabilities.'
But today, God put a flashing neon sign right in front of my face. Like an arrow pointing, saying "this is why I chose YOU." After a very chaotic day, kids bathed, sleeping peacefully, I sat down to catch my breath, check Facebook (because I'm afraid I missed something in the past 6 hours), and checked my e-mail. I don't e-mail many people, so usually I just take a quick glance and delete all the junk mail. But tonight, I had a message from a name I didn't recognize. The subject line read: You Are My Angel. Not sure what it would be, I opened the e-mail. And that very moment answered my question, "why me?" I'll never ask that question again, because tonight, I got an answer. Loud and clear.
This e-mail was from a mom, whom I've never met or spoken to. Our paths have never crossed before now. Some would call it coincidence, but I know that it was God's plan. He led each of us to this very moment, because He knew. This soon-to-be mom found out 4 days ago that the child she was carrying would be born with spina bifida. She and her husband had tried for 2 years to get pregnant, and were crushed to find out that their little girl, would not be born healthy. The doctors painted a very bleak picture of this precious little girl's life. This couple was left with shattered hopes. They were told the best choice was to terminate.
After much discussion with the doctors they felt the only choice they had was to "put this little girl out of life long misery." Though they felt it was the wrong decision, they scheduled the appointment. It was set for 9am this morning. But last night, like two strangers colliding, this beautiful momma stumbled upon this blog. It's one of those friend-of a friend-of a friend type of deals. She was on a blog, which lead her to another blog, which lead her to my blog. For 4 hours last night she sat at her desk reading post after post, seeing pictures of Brenden, getting just a glimpse of what life would be like raising a child born with SB. At 3 am she woke her husband up and told him that there was no reason to terminate their long awaited bundle of joy. As they sat together reading about our journey, they decided that they would bring their little girl into their family and love her and care for her as they had always wanted.
As she closed her e-mail, she thanked me for being her angel. For saving their little girls life. But I owe her just as much. She made me realize, once again, that God knew what he was doing. THIS is why he chose us. I always feel like we are making a difference in Brenden's life. But to know that we are making a difference for the lives of others LIVING with SB means more than words could ever describe. I asked God why, and though it took 3 years, He answered.